Special trade deadline 2013

With the 2013 NHL trade deadline today, we thought it would be appropriate to take a moment to examine the Conservative team. With 2015 just around the corner the coming months would be a perfect time to address their numerous shortcomings.

Jim Flaherty’s offensive contribution has obviously slipped so badly that he was sent overseas to play in Asia. As for Peter Penashue, he’s been put on waivers. The Conservatives need new blood.

Could the solution be found internally? We doubt it; the farm team players are in the midst of a revolt and are too afraid to go into the corners.

Here’s a look at who could be traded and why:

• Christian Paradis: The Minister for Industry continues to be in conflict with the League’s Commissioner for using illegal equipment and prohibited manoeuvres. Because the Conservative leaders like to have a disciplined team, his departure would come as no surprise.
• Peter Kent, Joe Oliver and Ed Fast: The Hanson brothers of big oil like to intimidate their opponents, but their team always ends up getting a penalty for unsportsmanlike behaviour. Their verbal infractions all too often leaves their team short-handed.
• Diane Finley: Her tendency to score against her own team and then blame it on the spectators is starting to annoy people. Taxpayers are starting to take their frustration out on the other players, creating serious tension in the locker room.
• Keith Ashfield: This minister infuriated the public by suggesting he prefers to see women in the arena’s kitchens. Since the Conservatives are already struggling with this clientele, Ashfield risks being traded for a bag of pucks.
• Maxime Bernier: His constant body-checks against his own teammates and habit of leaving the game plans out for everyone to see doesn’t help his case. If he leaves, the Conservatives may be content with future considerations in return.
• Vic Toews: His vicious hits from behind draw too much negative attention to the team. His low productivity and predictable plays make him a player with no future.

The Conservatives could also surprise us by following the footsteps of the Dallas Stars and the Calgary Flames by sending their team captain away in return for a first round draft pick. This move would help ease team tensions since Jason Kenney has long been chomping at the bit to get that “C” on his jersey.

Unfortunately, while the Conservative’s General Manager juggles with his club, Canada is being neglected. Canadians deserve better. They know they can count on New Democrats who have a dynamic team that will give 110% and play a solid two-way game.